• Auctioneer’s at Sotheby’s in London today expressed their delight and amazement when an 18th century edition of the Platonic dialogues Timaeus and Critias was sold for a six figure sum after a fierce competition between two anonymous bidders. It is expected that part of the sale’s profits will be donated to the Boston Athenæum in whose archives the rare manuscript was uncovered.
  • Coca-Cola today launched its new range of “Programmable Soda” dubbed Coke Elements. Fronted by previously unknown Scots actor Gael Hannis, sales of the new brand have surpassed all expectations, a fact most commentators have put to the undeniable attributes of Mr. Hannis.
  • Habit for Humanity today announced a massive boost to its reconstruction operations in the city of New Orleans after receiving an undisclosed sum from the city’s adopted son, poker maverick and fan favourite Daniel Blake. A formal awards ceremony is to be made tonight with many of the glitterati in New Orleans turning out to pay their respected.
  • An attempted terrorist attack at the Louis Armstrong International airport was thwarted yesterday after security forces successfully neutralised the individuals involved. Although some minor damage was sustained to the terminal building, prompt action by medical crews and ground operatives prevented any loss of life.